Parents’ biggest mistake when it comes to “picky eaters”
The biggest mistake parents make is trying to “fix” picky eating.
It infuriates me that we parents are told that we have to “fix” our kids or else they will be malnourished, and they’ll (god forbid!) grow up to be terrible dinner guests.
GOOD NEWS: This is not true!! …..and I have the six simple words that can turn everything around at your dinner table.
I get it -- my kid spent 12 years insisting on separate plates for all the different parts of the meal. We had to stop putting pepper on….anything… because “black specks” on chicken or pork or pasta led to an instant NO from our tiny tyrant. Even now, at 14, he still thinks mashed potatoes are “weird” (DNA test, please! Mash is one of my favourite things).
And as parents, we are programmed to believe it’s our fault...or at the very least our responsibility.
Sad face.
Here's the truth: being “picky” is NORMAL and an evolutionary tool that keeps human beings safe. As soon as kids are mobile (age 2 to 3), they usually become highly selective of what they put in their mouths. Imagine eons ago when little humans could toddle away from the pack and potentially eat poisonous berries: in evolutionary terms, that’s a quick end to a family dynasty. So it’s normal, natural, HEALTHY and smart for kids to be wary of new foods.
But I know: you’re still worried that your kid is dysfunctional somehow. And you’ll try all kinds of tactics to fix them. Hiding vegetables? The carrot and/or the stick? Turning yourself into a short-order cook who makes a different meal for everyone at the table? Ugh.
You don’t have to do any of these things.
The truth is, it’s not your job to “fix” them. As parents, it IS our job to provide nutritious meals at predictable times. But it’s the kid’s responsibility to decide if, what and how much to eat.
I will say that parents still play a critical role in raising great eaters, though. We need to model good behaviour at the table (95% of what kids learn is from what they SEE. Only 5% is from what they hear!). But mostly, parents can and should eliminate the pressure of eating. Because the more pressure they feel, the less likely kids are to change, and the more likely they are to lean towards some kind of disordered eating.
The less we pressure them, the quicker they’ll figure it out for themselves.
And the most helpful six words?
You. Don't. Have. To. Eat. It.
Try saying that the next time your “picky eater” rejects dinner. Liberate yourself from the power struggle. Release yourself from the guilt. You kid is fine, and is going to be fine. Let the kid figure it out.
Here are two ways to accelerate this:
Agree to some table rules.
Have set meals and snack times and don’t allow all-day grazing. This is both reassuring to the kids, freeing for you and means they come to the table hungry - yay!
I’ve helped hundreds of families get through this struggle. Reach out, I can help!
